OUTCAST

(for girls with torn skirts)
The earth is ready to swallow me,

here in this silent,dark room..
because I am an outcast -
by my home,
my society..
I am the monster I haunt,
this is what the society moulded me
to be..
and the moment I rejected myself,
I became an outcast.
He was my teacher,
my beloved teacher..
he taught me what menstruation is,
even when I know not mensuration
is..

he told me -
"you are a woman. an asset",
even when I have no maths set.
And when the room was dark again,
dark like it's darker now..
he would map out my regional
points,
even when he never taught me
geometry -
he would fondle the succulence on
me,
like an innocent kid pressing
balloon...
and when I moan,
he would grin in ecstasy -
he taught me the act not the art.

My cheek still hurts,
of the stinging slap I received
from mom -
when I called my teacher a devil,
the Lucifer I read of in the Bible..
my teacher -
is a Lucifer.
But words refuse to come now,
for a slap has sealed my lips -
all that flow out are saliva -
even when I'm not a snail.
And when my mom is out again -
out for her business trip,
my dad gone to his usual tavern -
my teacher would pounce on me
again,
like an eagle pounce on its
carrion..

he would swim fast in my vast sea,
like a whale breaking into the ocean
beyond..
he would smooch my innocent skin,
until I wriggle out of daylight..
his whispers now form the echoes
of the night,
"tell someone and die".
I was just nine...
And when my father returns from
the tavern,
his words escorted by commands of
dry gin -
he would rip off my skirt,
and devoured what was left -
like the remains of a leftover
food..

and when senses dawned on him,
he won't cry,
men don't cry after all.
"you are sweeter than life"
but is life sweet ?
Tomorrow is my eleventh birthday,
but tonight,the earth would
consume me -
like my teacher consummate my
vulva
and my father grub my labia..
I am gone,
for I'm an outcast in my world..
I hope mother don't cry,
for she laughed when I spoke the
truth..
why should truthful lies make a
difference ?
I am broken...
like the potsherds.
even in my innocence,
I still moan.
It ends tonight...

© Balogun Yusuf Gemini

Photo Credit: Auntyflo.com